Sunday, January 18, 2009

At last!

Ellie almost 4 months
January 17, 2009

I had the most incredible experience this week. Friday night I gave Ellie her bath, got her in her pjs,sang her a song, and fed her a bedtime snack. I sat her up to burp her and then leaned back to snuggle a bit before putting her down to sleep. She immedately put her head against my shoulder and just melted into me. All of a sudden, for the first time, I really felt like a mother - not like I was pretending to be one. What an incredible feeling! It was such an intense wave of emotion that I instantly had tears pouring down my cheeks. There was no tension, no frantic "I've got to get the baby to sleep" thoughts...just a sense of total peace between us that we belong together. In fact, I'm welling up right now just remembering what it was like. In all my deepest dreams and longings for a child, I could never have imagined that it would be like this, and I am so grateful.

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